A World Without You
by PhananaBread
Summary: Phil imagines a world without Dan, and starts to fall apart.


**Phil:**

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Thunder clapped menacingly outside, the trees banged their branches against my window, and rain was falling in buckets from the sky. The storm wasn't exactly _scaring_ me, but it was keeping me wide awake. I took an annoyed breath, and rolled onto my side.

The storm continued, lightning bolts flashing so bright they lit up my room momentarily. It was going to be absolutely impossible to sleep. I was a fool for even trying.

Now that I was fully awake, my stomach was growling. Swinging my feet out of bed, I slipped my feet into a pair of slippers Dan had gotten me for my birthday last year, and tread into the kitchen. The floor creaked slightly every step I took, even though I was desperately trying to be quiet. I didn't want to wake Dan up too.

I rummaged in the cabinets for a box of Dan's cereal, not bothering to grab a bowl before I plunged my hands in. _Sorry Dan,_ I thought, as I shoveled another handful into my mouth.

"What are you doing?"

A voice from the hallway made me jump, and I let out a little squeak. I quickly pushed the box away from me, chewing the cereal as fast as possible. It was too late: Dan had already seen.

"Phil… seriously?" He rolled his eyes as he entered the kitchen, grabbing the box and taking a handful for himself. "You really need to stop stealing my cereal."

"Sorry," I murmured, my mouth full. Little bits of cereal sprayed out, and I grimaced.

"Smooth Phil, smooth." Dan grabbed his laptop off the counter and sunk into the couch, settling into the browsing position.

His hair had formed a little quiff on top of his head, poking up at an awkward angle. I involuntarily smiled, my heart quickening. I couldn't help it; it was just _so cute._

_Stop it Phil, _my mind ordered, _he's not into you like that. You're just friends._

At that precise moment, Dan turned around, smiling. It was his smile that killed me the most. It made me want to grab his face in both hands, and kiss him. Why did he always have to do the most adorable things?

"Aren't you going to join me?" he asked, patting the couch next to him expectedly.

"Oh… yeah. Of course." My heart racing, I took the box of cereal off the counter, and plopped down next to Dan. I could feel his body relax against mine, perfectly molding with mine, our curves and edges matching like a pair of puzzle pieces.

"So what woke you up?" Dan asked, scrolling through tumblr.

"The thunder."

Dan nodded. "Me too."

We sat there for a bit, Dan surfing the web, me leaning against him, just breathing. This was perfect. This was where I wanted to be for the rest of eternity, Dan by my side, sitting against one another, happy.

It hurt to think there'd ever be any other reality, where he wasn't next to me. Where he had somebody more important than me, where he wasn't my flatmate, where he was gone. And I was alone.

A tear started to form, but I quickly wiped it away. Dan looked at me. "Are you okay?"

"Fine… I-I'm fine."

Dan shut his laptop and turned to face me. He looked concerned, his brow furrowed. "Phil, you're obviously not okay. What's wrong?"

There was no way I could tell him what was actually wrong. I dreaded him leaving me, and if I said what was on my mind, it would just push him away sooner. My eyes flicked down, and I didn't say anything.

"Phil…?"

A sob was caught in my throat, more tears forming and trickling down my cheeks. I could feel the words heavy on the tip of my tongue. _I love you._ I bit my lip, not allowing the words to surface, not allowing myself to tell him how I felt.

**Dan:**

Oh Phil.

Watching him cry was like tearing my heart into shreds. It was like somebody had punched me in the stomach, like someone was stabbing me repeatedly, like my body was being turned inside out. It hurt more than anything I'd ever experienced.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to fix it. I wanted to fix it, because whatever it was was obviously painful for him, and he wasn't telling me about it. He wasn't telling _me,_ his best friend in the entire world, what was wrong.

And I didn't know what to do.

I watched him cry, the tears coming down his face faster, his cheeks flushing a bright red. I hesitated for a moment, but seconds later pulled him into a tight embrace. My hands wrapped around his waist, my chin balanced on his shoulder, hoping this made it better. Phil was obviously surprised by this. His body tightened, and I almost let go, before he melted into the hug and wrapped his arms around me as well.

"I'm sorry Phil… whatever it is. I'm sorry you're hurt."

Phil was silent, and then slowly eased his way out of the embrace. "No," he whispered, "_I'm_ sorry. I'm sorry that I'm such a crappy friend, Dan."

"What? Crappy friend? Phil, what are you on about?" He was being absolutely absurd, and was starting to worry me. I watched his bluish-green eyes flick away from mine, his body trembling.

"I'm a crappy friend because…" he started, before trailing off. His eyes wandered back to mine. He tentatively inched closer to me, his gaze still locked with mine. I watched as his right hand slowly slid around my neck, his left around my waist, and only when his face was inches from mine, did I realise.

_Oh._

Phil's lips pressed against mine hungrily, and he leaned into me. My heart was beating out of control, and I could feel my cheeks blushing.

"I'm a crappy friend because I love you. I love you Dan," Phil said, his voice wavering. He had pulled back from me, his eyes trained back on the floor, his tear stained face brighter than ever. "I'm so sorry."

For a minute, I really couldn't think. Phil _loved _me? But was it really that unbelievable? I thought of all the moments we'd had, the times he'd hugged me out of the blue, when he'd lean against me on the couch, when he'd look at me and smile. I thought of all the times I'd looked at him longingly, the times I'd smiled at his stupid jokes, or when I'd waited for him to wake up so we could watch anime together. And when I thought of it that way, it really didn't seem that unrealistic.

So instead of telling Phil that I hated him or that I didn't think we could be mates anymore, I pulled his face close to mine, and kissed him with as much ferocity as he'd kissed me.

**Phil:**

Dan was kissing me. Dan was _kissing me?_

_Oh my flipping God, Dan Howell was kissing me. On the lips._

My body tensed up in surprise the minute our lips met, but soon, we were tangled together in a mess of limbs and lips, and all I could think was _Dan Howell, my best friend, is kissing me._

And that meant I wasn't a horrible friend, that I hadn't screwed everything up, and the world wasn't going to explode. It meant that I had Dan, and he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. It meant he loved me.

Or maybe it didn't.

Panicking, I pushed Dan away, and scooted away from him. He looked quizzically at me, and I just shook my head.

"Dan… are you sure you're doing this because you love me, and not just because you don't want to hurt my feelings?" My voice cracked, and I could feel the tears heating up around my eyes.

"Oh Phil," he smiled. "I love you so much, you can't even imagine. I love you more than I've ever loved anybody before. If that isn't obvious, I don't know what is."

I couldn't talk. I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe.

"I've got to be dreaming," I murmured, but Dan pulled me back into a kiss, and it was blatantly obvious that I wasn't dreaming. This was reality, and Dan Howell was my _boyfriend._

"You are most definitely _not_ dreaming," said Dan through the kiss, and he pulled me closer. And in that moment, everything in the universe was absolutely, completely _perfect._


End file.
